An NJS Summer
I believed I wanted to be a poet, but deep down I just wanted to be a poem.
-Jaime Gil de Biedma
NJS For Artists (Non-Judgmental Stance)
For June, I’m often looking with creative clients at the NJS skill in DBT and how this skill is oh-so-helpful right at the start of the summer.
Summer has a vibe, one that strongly says, "Yay! Let's go OUTSIDE! Let's be social. We have to have FUN! Splish splash!"
If you have mental health challenges, especially on the depressive end of things, summer can be kind of a pain in the ass. It's like an annoying younger sibling. You want to shut the door in its face and yell, "Leave me alone." This can engender a lot of shame. Everything is so bright and cheerful and maybe you're just...not?
Also, in terms of making art, summer can be difficult. The weather, and other people might be making a lot of demands on your time and attention. It can be hard to focus. You yourself might want to be outside, laying in the sun, especially because we're coming out of six months of winter. It would be totally understandable to want to close your laptop, lay down the paintbrushes, pull of your pointe shoes...you catch my drift.
This is where the beauty of NJS comes in. Many people think of taking a non-judgmental stance in terms of others. Don't judge a book by its cover and all that. I find I often use it for myself the most. Don't judge myself. Don't harsh myself. NJS is perfect for inner critic work.
If you find yourself less dedicated to your art, more listless, feeling like a procrastinator right now...that makes a lot of sense. NJS those inner critic thoughts and give yourself a break. This is the season where the body wants to be a lizard on a hot rock, a fish in a stream, an, I don't know, some kind of animal frolicking in a field. Right? So...go forth. Frolick. Or not.
What are the inner thoughts that you are judging yourself the most for right now?
What are your urges or actions around summer that you are judging yourself the most for right now?
Are any of these thoughts harmful? If so, don't judge them, but use your skills to work with them so that they don't increase symptoms or lead to issues around safety.
Are any of these urges or actions leading to TIB (therapy interfering behaviors)? If not, then maybe these urges and actions are okay and you don't need to be judging them and, in fact, can use skills and NJS to go ahead and do you.
It's okay for summer to look however summer looks like it needs to for you. It's YOUR summer. Not anyone else's.
Maybe, for you, summer is a time to just enjoy not wearing a million layers and having to warm the car up and dig it out of the snow.
Maybe it's a time to enjoy keeping the windows of your home open or drinking your favorite iced beverages or enjoying how long it stays light out.
For some of you, summer might be all about the usual MN summer life: cabin time, grilling out, getting on the lake. But if your symptoms make that really hard, that's okay. What's your version of enjoying the warmer weather? Or, if you HATE the warm weather, how can you radically accept that summer exists and find ways to work with the discomfort, self-soothe, and not judge yourself for being a true Northerner who has snow in their veins?
Wherever this missive finds you, I hope you are being a good friend to your mind and your pneuma.
To your practice, your process, and your purpose,
P.S.
Happy Pride!
One of my favorite skills to teach the LGBTQI2S+ fam is BO - Boundaries.
Being able to keep the people that get and love you and make you feel safe close and giving yourself permission to create necessary distance with those who don't affirm you or make you feel safe is an important skill. In DBT, we have all kinds of ways to help you create boundaries.
Your creativity can also help you set your boundaries - sometimes our boundaries begin in those imaginal spaces before we can bring them into reality. I love this definition of boundaries by Prentis Hemphill. I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me. Their instagram is filled with mic-drop wisdom and so is their book.
